After several years of reviewing draft performance reports, I've identified the following 10 steps that you can use to make a good draft stronger. This article is available for free download under the "EPR & OPR" section at writeforyoutraining.com:
1. Good first impressions:
- Look for duplicates (and triplicates) of common verbs, and replace with alternate verbs
- Replace blah verbs with stronger, more vivid verbs
- Get more details about specific action, dig beyond “led, managed, coordinated, and spearheaded”.
- Check out the "Active Verbs That Work" free handout of 725+ active verbs under the "EPR & OPR" section of writeforyoutraining.com
2. Check the details:
- Are there unimportant details that can be eliminated?
-- Use title vice specific name: WG/CC, vice “Col Smith”
-- “Base-wide” vice specific base name
-- Event description vice lengthy title: “world leaders’ summit”, vice “Asian-Pacific Economic Cooperation Bi-Annual Meeting”
- Can you add specific, meaningful details?
-- Numbers, percentages, measurements
-- Specific actions vice generic verbs
-- Level of action or impact (i.e., NAF, MAJCOM, CAF)
3. Acronym check:
- Is it an AF-wide acronym that most people will understand?
- Is it an acronym that will be meaningless in a few years?
- Does the acronym contribute to or detract from the story?
4. Turn negatives to positives:
- Example, change: “kept 552ACW crews from going NCMR”, to: “ensured combat-ready status for 40 AWACS crews”. The detail “552ACW” is unnecessary, the acronym “NCMR” doesn’t translate outside of flying operations; the detail “40 AWACS crews” is concrete and specific.
5. Quality check for common mistakes:
- Capitalize the names of Exercises (i.e., RED FLAG) and Operations (i.e. IRAQI FREEDOM)
- Follow the basic rules for numbers: spell it out if less than 10, unless part of a series that includes numbers over 10, or for dates, times, hours
- Check for compound modifiers (i.e., first-class, real-world (when used as an adjective), Air Force-wide)
6. Remove any speed bumps and road blocks:
- Replace jargon with AF-wide terms or general descriptions
- Use common abbreviations; when in doubt, spell it out
7. Tie it to the flight line:
- Connect your actions and accomplishments with the AF mission: “…to fly and fight in Air, Space and Cyberspace.”
- Show how your actions demonstrate the Air Force Core Values: Integrity, Service, Excellence
8. Remove meaningless clichés, and replace with active verbs, concrete details, measurable results
- Minimize the use of empty words and phrases at the beginning of your bullets, for example: “Key player”, “Inspired leader”, “Brilliant”, “Selfless”
- Let your verbs do the work, and your bullet tell the story
9. Optimize the placement:
- Place strongest bullets on the top and bottom lines
- Make sure that important details aren’t buried at the back of the bullet
10. Final check:
- Read aloud and review for spelling, grammar, clarity, and coherence
- Let someone outside of your AFSC (or outside of the Air Force) read your bullets
1. Good first impressions:
- Look for duplicates (and triplicates) of common verbs, and replace with alternate verbs
- Replace blah verbs with stronger, more vivid verbs
- Get more details about specific action, dig beyond “led, managed, coordinated, and spearheaded”.
- Check out the "Active Verbs That Work" free handout of 725+ active verbs under the "EPR & OPR" section of writeforyoutraining.com
2. Check the details:
- Are there unimportant details that can be eliminated?
-- Use title vice specific name: WG/CC, vice “Col Smith”
-- “Base-wide” vice specific base name
-- Event description vice lengthy title: “world leaders’ summit”, vice “Asian-Pacific Economic Cooperation Bi-Annual Meeting”
- Can you add specific, meaningful details?
-- Numbers, percentages, measurements
-- Specific actions vice generic verbs
-- Level of action or impact (i.e., NAF, MAJCOM, CAF)
3. Acronym check:
- Is it an AF-wide acronym that most people will understand?
- Is it an acronym that will be meaningless in a few years?
- Does the acronym contribute to or detract from the story?
4. Turn negatives to positives:
- Example, change: “kept 552ACW crews from going NCMR”, to: “ensured combat-ready status for 40 AWACS crews”. The detail “552ACW” is unnecessary, the acronym “NCMR” doesn’t translate outside of flying operations; the detail “40 AWACS crews” is concrete and specific.
5. Quality check for common mistakes:
- Capitalize the names of Exercises (i.e., RED FLAG) and Operations (i.e. IRAQI FREEDOM)
- Follow the basic rules for numbers: spell it out if less than 10, unless part of a series that includes numbers over 10, or for dates, times, hours
- Check for compound modifiers (i.e., first-class, real-world (when used as an adjective), Air Force-wide)
6. Remove any speed bumps and road blocks:
- Replace jargon with AF-wide terms or general descriptions
- Use common abbreviations; when in doubt, spell it out
7. Tie it to the flight line:
- Connect your actions and accomplishments with the AF mission: “…to fly and fight in Air, Space and Cyberspace.”
- Show how your actions demonstrate the Air Force Core Values: Integrity, Service, Excellence
8. Remove meaningless clichés, and replace with active verbs, concrete details, measurable results
- Minimize the use of empty words and phrases at the beginning of your bullets, for example: “Key player”, “Inspired leader”, “Brilliant”, “Selfless”
- Let your verbs do the work, and your bullet tell the story
9. Optimize the placement:
- Place strongest bullets on the top and bottom lines
- Make sure that important details aren’t buried at the back of the bullet
10. Final check:
- Read aloud and review for spelling, grammar, clarity, and coherence
- Let someone outside of your AFSC (or outside of the Air Force) read your bullets
08/08: WriteForYouTraining.com
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